The Power Of Relationships To Make You Happier And More Successful

The art of happiness may be elusive to some, but research reveals relationships have the power to transform your life and make you happier than ever before. If you do nothing but learn how to spice up relationships, you can master happiness.

The Enormous Benefits Of Happiness

The benefits of happiness are extraordinary. Happy people are more resistant to pain, they bounce back more quickly from illness and are more tolerant of life's bad breaks. Not only do happy people enjoy life more, but they tend to live longer and have more fun than people who rank low in happiness.

In studies of trauma victims, happy people developed fewer trauma symptoms than unhappy people. And fewer happy people developed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Who Qualifies

Who should be concerned about their level of happiness? Everyone! Even a happy person can learn to be happier, and reap more benefits by applying basic happiness strategies to his/her life.

By learning the art of happiness you can be more successful, too. Guess what? Happy people are more successful than unhappy ones, and bring a special passion to their work... a passion that clearly shines like a big bright aura whenever they walk into a room.

Tap Into Your Relationships

The art of happiness begins with your relationships. How do you tap into them? Simple steps go a long way... let's go over a few.

1. Pay more attention to your relationships. Start by assessing the quality of your relationships, taking note of the especially good or healthy ones... ask yourself what you could do to make each relationship better. Little things can spice up a relationship, like sending a card or stopping by a friend's house for a surprise visit.

There is hardly a greater compliment you can pay someone than giving him/her your undivided attention. People love receiving attention. Just giving someone your full attention makes them feel good.

Ignoring someone has the opposite effect!

2. Now earmark those relationships in need of attention. When I coach people to improve their relationships, I begin with a thorough relational assessment, that helps us to identify neglected relationships, and we often work on those first.

But you can start without a formal assessment, prioritizing the relationships in greatest need.

3. Decide what to do for each relationship. Let's say you decide to focus on two neglected relationships. You plan on calling one person and offering to take him/her out for a cup of coffee. And you decide to call the other and apologize for your long silence. Now what you do and say when you meet each person is absolutely critical. You may want do a good job of catching up and listening with the first, and speaking from your heart with the second. The art of happiness entails honesty and direct communication.

4. It pays to spell it out. Say the words you need to say to bring the relationship back into the light. Saying that you have missed someone, or you want to keep in touch more often in the future can help, but you have to be prepared to follow-though on your promises, too. Don't get busy and forget about the person right after you meet with him/her! That leads us to the next tip.

5. Stay in touch! Do something nice for your friend every day or once a week. Program the sending of a little reminder of your affection into your computer or phone.

Most people love to receive greeting cards, so I buy or make quite a few and send them out on special occasions... and when they least to expect to hear from me. I've noticed some of my friends keep their cards for months, often displaying them in a prominent place.

Sending a surprise card to your spouse can work wonders, too!

6. Be MORE positive in your relationships and LESS critical. Say positive things, and find the silver lining in every cloud... people will want to be around you! Staying positive is a critical skill in putting the art of happiness into practice.

7. Avoid blaming others for problems; just get busy solving them, and keep your head up. No one has to take the blame. Everyone can be part of the solution, and you'll solve more relationship problems.

8. Have fun doing everything. Bring a playful spirit to your relationships.

9. Wield a sense of humor... it will make you happier and more successful. Play and laughter can really spice up a relationship. Cultivating humor will provide you with a powerful stress tool and keep your spirits up. It will endear others to you. Use a sense of humor lovingly with the people you love.

10. Grow your gratitude. Recent research has shown gratitude can reduce depression and help overcome negative mental states. People who express gratitude and develop a habit of being more grateful are happier and healthier. Gratitude is one of the world's greatest healers, and will help you to solve many relationship problems.

Tweaking or enhancing your stronger relationships can be done by keeping in touch. All you have to do is give a little extra effort to the relationships that are going well. You can deepen, improve or strengthen any good relationship. You probably already know what to do for each one, you just haven't found time to do it! You'll be surprised at how quickly you see improvement in even your most damaged relationships, once you begin to bring some extra attention their way. As you can see, the art of happiness is all about spicing up your relationships!

Overcome Fear

Fear can be a monster that gobbles up happiness. Besides the lack of time, the lack of courage keeps people from doing what they know they should do, such as taking steps to make a relationship right that's gone wrong. Happy people don't let the fear of rejection or loss of approval keep them from taking action. Say what you want to say. Put your heart out there.

Your heart is your secret success weapon.

Never shy away from expressing gratitude, compassion or love. Research shows how acts of kindness and love make us happy and fulfilled, give meaning to our lives, and enable us to build bridges to the stars.

In Sum

Paying more attention to your relationships, staying in touch and speaking from your heart are simple, but effective ways of improving your relationships... and finding greater success in your life. Being more playful can spice up a luke-warm romance. Laughter is a wonderful tool for building happiness and joy in your relationships.

Invest in your relationships and you'll soon master the art of happiness... and you'll create a great future... an exciting future built upon the solid rock of a successful and joyful life.

Richard Hamon is a professional coach and therapist with over 30 years of experience. Richard helps people to solve their relationship problems, enjoy truly extraordinary marriages and find exceptional success in all areas of their lives.

You'll find all kinds of articles on how to spice up your relationships and lead a happier life at Richard's website, Happy-Relationships.com. Find out about therapeutic services and personal coaching programs to assist you in quickly reaching your dreams and goals. Discover eBooks and other products to assist you in your journey, such as a free relationship quiz to help you assess your relationship.

For more information on conducting state-of-the-art relationships, the latest research on true happiness, and Richard's products and services, please go to: http://happy-relationships.com

The Power of Relationships Transcends Human Beings

The human need to form relationships apparently transcends the idea that such connections are exclusively assigned to other human beings. Additionally, the type of relationship is powerfully influenced by need, convenience, function, space, place, time and culture, along with a potent drive to satisfy a need, which resides within.

In the movie Castaway, Tom Hanks shipwrecked and alone, magnificently captured the powerful drive to satisfy the need for a relationship and used what his time and place provided. He tore open a FedEx package containing a soccer ball. Using what he could find in his environment, he sketched basic facial features on the ball to resemble a human face, and all other ascribed intrinsic human attributes came out of his need. What or who we form relationships with, once we are free to choose, maybe just as much influenced by our immediate surroundings as the drives from within.

Increasingly during the past few decades, technology has permeated our social matrix in ways that make it difficult to view a world without it. Such familiarity through constant exposure makes it almost impossible not to have a relationship, on some level, with technology. As the relationships with technology increases, so does our familiarity, which in turn provides more opportunity for a variety of interactions and experiences with technology, just as in any other relationship. It is the human need for relationships and the way this need is used which may have teaching implications in helping seniors, those with learning challenges, and/or adults re-entering the work force, and others acquire a level of skill and mastery in the use of technology.

There is familiarity and there is space which is also a factor in a relationship. It sets the parameters, helps to define the type of relationship, is a gauge in measuring the quality of the relationship, and provides the context and the history of the relationship. An intangible personal possession holds vastly different meanings for different people, but, nonetheless, requires understanding and appreciation. The cry for more "space" is a common theme expressed by couples experiencing problems, along with sentiments about one partner not willing to share "their space". As we enter a "meaningful" tech-relationship, the space the machine occupies is critical to the quality of the relationship.

The illustration below presents a playful approach to looking at these issues from a psychological perspective. There is acknowledgment of our tendency to ascribe human attributes to inanimate objects thereby establishing the basis for a relationship. The intent of the illustration is to provoke some thinking about teaching techniques and new designs which give recognition and value of human beings' powerful need to form relationships, even with a machine.

My Tech-Relationship

Unrealistic Expectations:

I need Tech-Relationships that are easy, understanding, loyal and can readily make adjustments to my needs.

There were times when I felt downright immoral, moving from one relationship to another, searching for "Tech-Right". Maybe I had difficulty with commitment. My longest meaningful relationship was with my last PC. It was wonderful, most of the time, although complicated. It held everything that was dear and important to me and shared meaningful moments in my personal and professional journey. It knew my secrets, my vulnerabilities, my desires. It was a true partner.

As in all relationships, there were issues. I tolerated and sacrificed a lot for the sake of the relationship, often confronted with degrading and ugly material. The stance was always the same, viewing me as inflexible and not understanding the bigger picture.

My Space

Why should I allow it to get so close if our relationship is not an exclusive one?

Its purpose was larger than any one relationship, and this fact was muddled by it being situated in a space that belonged to me. In hindsight, I realize that my expectations may have been warped, because it shared my space. Its existence transcended the space it occupied, but the space it occupied, influenced my feelings. How could it so uniquely be part of my life, with entry into such private areas and not fully respect, and appreciate my needs?

In the end, I came to terms with the certain facts about its character. It had no loyalty, little integrity, no sense of decorum, and was arrogant. It was filled with layers of complex messages and material, stuff that was poured into its tech-mind by people it knew nothing about, and then delivered into my space as if invited. At times, it took on the persona of the messages it so diligently delivered. It did not care, but I was left to deal with all of those thoughts and feelings that were now part of me. It felt nothing when I entered into its space, but I felt everything when it entered mine.

I do not feel like my needs are being met.

The relationship lasted almost three years. I am not sure exactly when the final turning point occurred, but I remember feeling that it was becoming less and less responsive to me. There were times when it would just stop in the middle of a sentence, with no explanation on what I did wrong. How can I be expected to change if I don't know what I did wrong? I tried everything to fix the relationship. I sought professional advice; I cleaned out the clutter, which I thought could be interfering with clear communication. I even gave it more space (memory) so it would not feel so cramped. Things got better for awhile, but I just did not feel the same. I needed to be able to count on this relationship, and the frequent problems made me question its sincerity and willingness to stay with me during the ups and downs. I was having a difficult time trusting it, and the stress this was causing only served to exasperate feelings that I had been silent about for too long.

Dealing with loss:

It was over and I needed to move on. As I took steps to terminate the relationship, I must admit that I was ambivalent. It was not easy to walk away when I had invested so much. However, I must admit that walking away was empowering, equalizing. I never felt like an equal in the relationship, and there were times that I sensed that it loathed my ignorance. It was putting up with me only because it knew no other existence, and to be functional was to be alive. Its short life span was a defect; a defect that ultimately made me feel more like an equal.

Preparing for a new relationship:

During my rebound, I was introduced to my first laptop. I needed something to fill the gap and I did not want to rush into another PC-Tech Relationship. I was still getting over my lost files. It did not take long to realize that this relationship would not come close to satisfying my needs, having so many quirks and issues that I just could not resolve. It became a good friend, one that could take care of "certain" needs, and one that I could turn to while building a relationship with my new PC.

I hope I have grown in ways that will make this relationship better. Perhaps, I need to expand my skills and make adjustments in my thinking so that I bring a broader understanding and more realistic expectations to this next Tech- Relationship. I will attempt to make some changes, but it must still understand that its existence remains intricately tied to my needs. Nevertheless, I need to better manage my emotions and alter my expectations because I do want this relationship to work.

Lisa Paisley-Cleveland, Ph.D., LCSW

Sharpervision Consultants, LLC is dedicated to helping adults improve relationship skills at work and in their personal lives.
http://www.just-between-us.net

Tel. 908.463.6433