Monday, October 31, 2011

Londons Times Funny Music Cartoons - Silverware Relationship Therapy - Key Chains

Londons Times Funny Music Cartoons - Silverware Relationship Therapy - Key ChainsSilverware Relationship Therapy Key Chain is new, measuring 2.25w x 2.25h x 1/8d. Key Chain Tag has a glossy finish and comes with a hole for hardware. Our new key hanger makes an attractive decoration for any household, plus keeps keys organized and easy to find. Picture is printed on both sides of the key chain. Each includes snap-on key chain hardware.

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LELO Gigi Personal Massager, Deep Rose

LELO Gigi Personal Massager, Deep RoseGIGI is a pleasure object dedicated to G-spot joy and more. Carefully sculpted to unlock the secrets of this mysterious and special place, her dramatic shape will ensure success. Five pre-programmed stimulation modes and a virtually silent vibrator engine deliver deep and vibrant sensations with spot-on precision. Her stem houses an impressively vibrant pleasure point, while the intuitive interface dial lets you control vibration intensity and stimulation mode to craft your own experience. GIGI is rechargeable and a 2-hour charge provides up to 4 hours of bliss. Comes presented in an elegant gift box, and includes a charger, user manual, satin pouch for stylish storage and a 1-year LELO warranty. Made of phthalate-free silicone.

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Sunday, October 30, 2011

Romantic Relationships: A Spiritual Perspective


Meeting someone so attractive, so beautiful. Your heart beats like the rhythm at the races and your knees become Jell-O.

We all know this feeling of falling in love and seeing the amazing beauty in another. Couples fall in love blissfully and fall out of it with such heartache. Love does not have to be so difficult and as we all have grown to learn, you get out of something what you put into it. But there is a thin line to keep an eye on here. Our minds have grown to make us believe that we are "not complete"; "unfulfilled" or "unloved", until we meet the love of our life. This was the mind talking (also known as the Ego), not our soul.

Your soul knows that you are complete, an extraordinary being, a creations of God. A creations of God being a creation of love. Innately, inside of you, you are pure love and our Ego is here to challenge that. Only when you love like God loves, you will experience the fulfilled life that we call "heaven". God loves all equally, no-one is more special than any other. Which brings us to the "Special Relationship".

When two people catch a glimpse of each other's beauty, we often get a feeling that the relationship will fulfill our emptiness and we clutch onto the other person. Initially you might have extraordinary times, but the core on which such relationships are built, is simply your "thought" that you are not complete and that you NEED another to complete you. It is for this reason that when such relationships change form (traditionally known as ending the relationship), that lots of pain is experienced. Release your partner and all people in your life every moment. This is one of the principles to fulfilling relationships.

When you wish the other person their freedom and have faith that the relationship will serve both of you, for your spiritual growth, beautiful things come to fruition. Set them free every moment of the day and have the knowing that the purpose of the relationship is to create opportunities for you to "show up" and be the most glorious, most amazing person you know you are. This includes forgiving, not judging, showing compassion and loving unconditionally.

Relationships have nothing to do with the other person. Knowing this puts you in a powerful place where you have control over how you feel and who you are going to be in the relationship. Initially there will be bliss and lots of joy, followed by opportunities to work on your soul. I once read that you ask for God to send you the perfect partner, but instead he sends you something much better - someone slightly less than what you expected. See the relationship as a sacred space where you can grow. Your soul knows that you will slowly re-member your magnificence and uses romantic relationships to show us that.

We see that so often by being told my our loved ones how amazing we are, just to remind us of our soul's natural state - perfection. Perfection does not mean you will not experience heartache, sadness or some of the less pleasing experiences, but it does mean that you are wonderful as you are and need not change a thing. Play fully - every moment of the way. Open your heart and love without bounds. When you open your heart completely and love another without conditions, people see the perfect person you are and get a glimpse of the God within you. Do not be afraid of rejection of any kind, because remember rejection does not mean anything is "wrong" with you, it is just a choice the other soul makes on it's journey. You are complete and perfect by design and need not chance a thing about you to be loved - just love others and you will experience love.

This lesson places lots of emphasis on judgment. When we find someone and label the relationship as "Special", so easily we place expectations on that person: "Will he call by 6?" or "Will she like what I got her?". We place too much emphasis on the "form" of the relationship and less on the "content".

A holy relationship is intimate, has authenticity, and allows freedom for the souls to grow. You need not be in a Romantic Relationship in order to experience intimacy. Your best friend allows you to cry when you wish to do so and he/she does not judge you for being sad. Consider being that to your Romantic Partner, allowing them the freedom to be anyway and know they are loved, irrespective of what space they are in on that day. Are your needs met? You have no "needs" for you have it all. You are whole and complete, filled with pure love. Consider that you have no lack and by doing so, you have no needs. You might have some things you wish to experience, but experiencing them could be with anyone, not only your Romantic Partner. Our generation has separated ourselves from God. "Separated from God" does not mean we are ignoring the entity called "God", but instead, it means we have removed ourselves from the "knowing" that we are all love. That we are all connected, all beings, all elements and all that exists are one energy source called "God", experienced as LOVE.

We can regain that consciousness by loving every being, every element and all opportunities that crosses our path - equally.

Meeting someone so attractive, so beautiful. Your heart beats like the rhythm at the races and your knees become Jell-O.

We all know this feeling of falling in love and seeing the amazing beauty in another. Couples fall in love blissfully and fall out of it with such heartache. Love does not have to be so difficult and as we all have grown to learn, you get out of something what you put into it. But there is a thin line to keep an eye on here. Our minds have grown to make us believe that we are "not complete"; "unfulfilled" or "unloved", until we meet the love of our life. This was the mind talking (also known as the Ego), not our soul.

Your soul knows that you are complete, an extraordinary being, a creations of God. A creations of God being a creation of love. Innately, inside of you, you are pure love and our Ego is here to challenge that. Only when you love like God loves, you will experience the fulfilled life that we call "heaven". God loves all equally, no-one is more special than any other. Which brings us to the "Special Relationship".

When two people catch a glimpse of each other's beauty, we often get a feeling that the relationship will fulfil our emptiness and we clutch onto the other person. Initially you might have extraordinary times, but the core on which such relationships are built, is simply your "thought" that you are not complete and that you NEED another to complete you. It is for this reason that when such relationships change form (traditionally known as ending the relationship), that lots of pain is experienced. Release your partner and all people in your life every moment. This is one of the principles to fulfilling relationships.

When you wish the other person their freedom and have faith that the relationship will serve both of you, for your spiritual growth, beautiful things come to fruition. Set them free every moment of the day and have the knowing that the purpose of the relationship is to create opportunities for you to "show up" and be the most glorious, most amazing person you know you are. This includes forgiving, not judging, showing compassion and loving unconditionally.

Relationships have nothing to do with the other person. Knowing this puts you in a powerful place where you have control over how you feel and who you are going to be in the relationship. Initially there will be bliss and lots of joy, followed by opportunities to work on your soul. I once read that you ask for God to send you the perfect partner, but instead he sends you something much better - someone slightly less than what you expected. See the relationship as a sacred space where you can grow. Your soul knows that you will slowly re-member your magnificence and uses romantic relationships to show us that.

We see that so often by being told my our loved ones how amazing we are, just to remind us of our soul's natural state - perfection. Perfection does not mean you will not experience heartache, sadness or some of the less pleasing experiences, but it does mean that you are wonderful as you are and need not change a thing. Play fully - every moment of the way. Open your heart and love without bounds. When you open your heart completely and love another without conditions, people see the perfect person you are and get a glimpse of the God within you. Do not be afraid of rejection of any kind, because remember rejection does not mean anything is "wrong" with you, it is just a choice the other soul makes on it's journey. You are complete and perfect by design and need not chance a thing about you to be loved - just love others and you will experience love.

This lesson places lots of emphasis on judgment. When we find someone and label the relationship as "Special", so easily we place expectations on that person: "Will he call by 6?" or "Will she like what I got her?". We place too much emphasis on the "form" of the relationship and less on the "content".

A holy relationship is intimate, has authenticity, and allows freedom for the souls to grow. You need not be in a Romantic Relationship in order to experience intimacy. Your best friend allows you to cry when you wish to do so and he/she does not judge you for being sad. Consider being that to your Romantic Partner, allowing them the freedom to be anyway and know they are loved, irrespective of what space they are in on that day. Are your needs met? You have no "needs" for you have it all. You are whole and complete, filled with pure love. Consider that you have no lack and by doing so, you have no needs. You might have some things you wish to experience, but experiencing them could be with anyone, not only your Romantic Partner. Our generation has separated ourselves from God. "Separated from God" does not mean we are ignoring the entity called "God", but instead, it means we have removed ourselves from the "knowing" that we are all love. That we are all connected, all beings, all elements and all that exists are one energy source called "God", experienced as LOVE.

We can regain that consciousness by loving every being, every element and all opportunities that crosses our path - equally.



Saturday, October 29, 2011

Relationships Problems - 3 Answers To Relationships Problems That Ensure Problem-Free Relationships


Relationships problems affect us all, but it's how you react that determines whether problems will persist in your relationships. To enjoy problem-free relationships, you need to make smarter choices. Here are 3 useful tips to guide you to overcome relationships problems and create blissful love-filled relationships instead.

1. Talk from the heart

Communication problems in relationships are the primary cause of so much grief and unhappiness between people. You must have experienced loads of examples throughout your life of people completely misunderstanding what you were trying to communicate. It doesn't matter whether you are speaking face to face, on the phone, writing a letter or email, or tapping out a text... you can guarantee that at times your message will not be received as intended. So what's the answer? The best advice is to improve your communication skills -- and that starts largely with understanding your self better. If you know and understand your own mind better, and how it operates, you will better understand other people. Start to honestly and openly 'watch' yourself. Learn about the way you work. When you can be honest and observant about your own self, as it is, flaws and all, you will be vulnerable enough to communicate deeply and meaningfully with your significant others. Most of the time we live behind emotional walls and facades, guarded and sealed off from real emotional interaction with others. As you become free of that through self-knowledge, you develop the ability to transcend and overcome all relationships problems.

2. Embracing change

Emotional problems in relationships are so painful, aren't they? It really hurts when your relationship is not working the way you want it to. One of the things that I've noticed helps overcome emotional problems in relationships is simply to embrace and accept change and transformation in your relationships. You have to expect it. What worked in your relationship 10 years ago, 3 years ago, 2 weeks ago, or yesterday is not necessarily going to work today. Try and maintain your flexibility and adapt. Keep working on how you can make your relationships even more special and meaningful today. Get back to how creative you were when you first started dating. Recognise that your relationships aren't static things, they are organic and growing. You have to nourish them and heal them when anything attacks them or stops them from growing.

3. Be the change

You've been searching for 'relationships problems and answers' in a proactive way, which is great. You have initiated the process of healing your relationships and getting back to a position where you can transform and create blissful relationships. You don't need to wait for your relationship partner to catch up and want to participate again in creating this magnificent partnership. You can be the change that you want to see. Take 100% responsibility for healing and nurturing your relationships. Taking responsibility doesn't mean blaming yourself for your relationship problems, it means taking an 'if it's to be, it's up to me' attitude to creating relationship magic from here on out. Change what you do, change your habitual patterns of behaviour. You are an immensely resourceful being and you have the answers to all your problems within you. Declare that your relationships are worth fighting for rather than fighting in!

Your new paradigm of bliss

Not everyone has serious relationships problems. There are many couples who sail through life enjoying their togetherness. Why not you? Maybe you have had poor relationship role models or simply you and your partner made poor choices by default. It really doesn't matter. What matters is that you equip yourself with the knowledge and resources to begin creating wonderful loving relationships from here on out. You won't find a better resource than http://www.blissfulrelationship.com which offers a compilation of the love strategies and secrets used to build the top 1% of long-term, love-filled, happily-ever-after relationships. These couples spilled the secrets that they use to overcome communication problems and emotional problems in their relationships and build wonderful joyful marriages. It's a brilliant source of genuine 'been there, done that' relationship help that will shortcut your journey to a beautiful problem-free relationship.




Want a 'fairy tale' relationship? They do exist! Don't miss out! Discover the secrets to a blissful relationship at: http://www.blissfulrelationship.com your top resource for ensuring your love relationships and marriage grow more joyful and fulfilling every day ...and never again succumb to relationship problems.




Sid Meier's Civilization V

Sid Meier's Civilization VTake2 Games Sid Meier's Civilization V 31817 299

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Friday, October 28, 2011

Sky High [Blu-ray]

Sky High [Blu-ray]The idea of a high school for superheroes will appeal to teens and preteens, who struggle powerlessly with petty authoritarians, bullying peers, and their own rampant hormones, and Sky High spotlights young Will Stronghold (Michael Angarano, Lords of Dogtown), the son of top-of-the-heap superheroic couple the Commander (Kurt Russell, Tango & Cash) and Josie Jetstream (Kelly Preston, View from the Top). Unfortunately, though he's about to be dropped into the midst of kids who can stretch, turn to living stone, or shoot fire, Will has yet to develop any powers at all--and may never develop them. His development anxieties (and some entertaining metaphors for high school social hierarchies) contrast with a bubbling plot by an old foe of the Commander's to destroy Sky High and all of superhero-dom. Sky High has a great supporting cast (including Bruce Campbell, Army of Darkness; Dave Foley, NewsRadio; Lynda Carter, Wonder Woman; and Cloris Leachman, Young Frankenstein) and a handful of funny, offhand bits, but the bulk of the movie is bland and obvious. Younger kids may not mind the clumsy action scenes, generic dialogue, and tacky production design, but even comic-book-loving teenagers will label Sky High bargain-basement. --Bret Fetzer

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Londons Times Funny Relationships Cartoons - The Birth Of Houdini - Coffee Gift Baskets - Coffee Gift Basket

Londons Times Funny Relationships Cartoons - The Birth Of Houdini - Coffee Gift Baskets - Coffee Gift BasketThe Birth Of Houdini Coffee Gift Basket is measuring 9x9x4. Contains 15oz mug, BONUS free set of 4 coasters, biscotti and 5 blends of gourmet coffee. French Vanilla, Kenya AA, Decaf Colombian Supremo, Chocolate and Italian Roast Espresso elegantly presented in our signature black planet coffee gift box. A very nice and thoughtful gift for any occasion.

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Thursday, October 27, 2011

Londons Times Funny Society Cartoons - Toxic Relationships - Coffee Gift Baskets - Coffee Gift Basket

Londons Times Funny Society Cartoons - Toxic Relationships - Coffee Gift Baskets - Coffee Gift BasketToxic Relationships Coffee Gift Basket is measuring 9x9x4. Contains 15oz mug, BONUS free set of 4 coasters, biscotti and 5 blends of gourmet coffee. French Vanilla, Kenya AA, Decaf Colombian Supremo, Chocolate and Italian Roast Espresso elegantly presented in our signature black planet coffee gift box. A very nice and thoughtful gift for any occasion.

Price: $54.99


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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The Power of Relationships Transcends Human Beings


The human need to form relationships apparently transcends the idea that such connections are exclusively assigned to other human beings. Additionally, the type of relationship is powerfully influenced by need, convenience, function, space, place, time and culture, along with a potent drive to satisfy a need, which resides within.

In the movie Castaway, Tom Hanks shipwrecked and alone, magnificently captured the powerful drive to satisfy the need for a relationship and used what his time and place provided. He tore open a FedEx package containing a soccer ball. Using what he could find in his environment, he sketched basic facial features on the ball to resemble a human face, and all other ascribed intrinsic human attributes came out of his need. What or who we form relationships with, once we are free to choose, maybe just as much influenced by our immediate surroundings as the drives from within.

Increasingly during the past few decades, technology has permeated our social matrix in ways that make it difficult to view a world without it. Such familiarity through constant exposure makes it almost impossible not to have a relationship, on some level, with technology. As the relationships with technology increases, so does our familiarity, which in turn provides more opportunity for a variety of interactions and experiences with technology, just as in any other relationship. It is the human need for relationships and the way this need is used which may have teaching implications in helping seniors, those with learning challenges, and/or adults re-entering the work force, and others acquire a level of skill and mastery in the use of technology.

There is familiarity and there is space which is also a factor in a relationship. It sets the parameters, helps to define the type of relationship, is a gauge in measuring the quality of the relationship, and provides the context and the history of the relationship. An intangible personal possession holds vastly different meanings for different people, but, nonetheless, requires understanding and appreciation. The cry for more "space" is a common theme expressed by couples experiencing problems, along with sentiments about one partner not willing to share "their space". As we enter a "meaningful" tech-relationship, the space the machine occupies is critical to the quality of the relationship.

The illustration below presents a playful approach to looking at these issues from a psychological perspective. There is acknowledgment of our tendency to ascribe human attributes to inanimate objects thereby establishing the basis for a relationship. The intent of the illustration is to provoke some thinking about teaching techniques and new designs which give recognition and value of human beings' powerful need to form relationships, even with a machine.

My Tech-Relationship

Unrealistic Expectations:

I need Tech-Relationships that are easy, understanding, loyal and can readily make adjustments to my needs.

There were times when I felt downright immoral, moving from one relationship to another, searching for "Tech-Right". Maybe I had difficulty with commitment. My longest meaningful relationship was with my last PC. It was wonderful, most of the time, although complicated. It held everything that was dear and important to me and shared meaningful moments in my personal and professional journey. It knew my secrets, my vulnerabilities, my desires. It was a true partner.

As in all relationships, there were issues. I tolerated and sacrificed a lot for the sake of the relationship, often confronted with degrading and ugly material. The stance was always the same, viewing me as inflexible and not understanding the bigger picture.

My Space

Why should I allow it to get so close if our relationship is not an exclusive one?

Its purpose was larger than any one relationship, and this fact was muddled by it being situated in a space that belonged to me. In hindsight, I realize that my expectations may have been warped, because it shared my space. Its existence transcended the space it occupied, but the space it occupied, influenced my feelings. How could it so uniquely be part of my life, with entry into such private areas and not fully respect, and appreciate my needs?

In the end, I came to terms with the certain facts about its character. It had no loyalty, little integrity, no sense of decorum, and was arrogant. It was filled with layers of complex messages and material, stuff that was poured into its tech-mind by people it knew nothing about, and then delivered into my space as if invited. At times, it took on the persona of the messages it so diligently delivered. It did not care, but I was left to deal with all of those thoughts and feelings that were now part of me. It felt nothing when I entered into its space, but I felt everything when it entered mine.

I do not feel like my needs are being met.

The relationship lasted almost three years. I am not sure exactly when the final turning point occurred, but I remember feeling that it was becoming less and less responsive to me. There were times when it would just stop in the middle of a sentence, with no explanation on what I did wrong. How can I be expected to change if I don't know what I did wrong? I tried everything to fix the relationship. I sought professional advice; I cleaned out the clutter, which I thought could be interfering with clear communication. I even gave it more space (memory) so it would not feel so cramped. Things got better for awhile, but I just did not feel the same. I needed to be able to count on this relationship, and the frequent problems made me question its sincerity and willingness to stay with me during the ups and downs. I was having a difficult time trusting it, and the stress this was causing only served to exasperate feelings that I had been silent about for too long.

Dealing with loss:

It was over and I needed to move on. As I took steps to terminate the relationship, I must admit that I was ambivalent. It was not easy to walk away when I had invested so much. However, I must admit that walking away was empowering, equalizing. I never felt like an equal in the relationship, and there were times that I sensed that it loathed my ignorance. It was putting up with me only because it knew no other existence, and to be functional was to be alive. Its short life span was a defect; a defect that ultimately made me feel more like an equal.

Preparing for a new relationship:

During my rebound, I was introduced to my first laptop. I needed something to fill the gap and I did not want to rush into another PC-Tech Relationship. I was still getting over my lost files. It did not take long to realize that this relationship would not come close to satisfying my needs, having so many quirks and issues that I just could not resolve. It became a good friend, one that could take care of "certain" needs, and one that I could turn to while building a relationship with my new PC.

I hope I have grown in ways that will make this relationship better. Perhaps, I need to expand my skills and make adjustments in my thinking so that I bring a broader understanding and more realistic expectations to this next Tech- Relationship. I will attempt to make some changes, but it must still understand that its existence remains intricately tied to my needs. Nevertheless, I need to better manage my emotions and alter my expectations because I do want this relationship to work.




Lisa Paisley-Cleveland, Ph.D., LCSW

Sharpervision Consultants, LLC is dedicated to helping adults improve relationship skills at work and in their personal lives.
http://www.just-between-us.net

Tel. 908.463.6433




Monday, October 24, 2011

Sunday, October 23, 2011

What Is Commitment in Relationships?


The question of when a relationship is committed is a source of much confusion and debate. We live in a time when the marriage rate is going down, the co-habitation rate is going up, and the majority of first-born children are now born to unmarried parents.

In this article I hope to shed some light on this question to facilitate your work with couples and individuals challenged by different perceptions of the status of their relationships.

COMMITMENT VS. PROMISE

I recently had a conversation with a woman who told me she had just broken off a "committed" relationship. A few questions later I learned that she had been dating this person for a year, they were not living together, and the reason she broke it off is that he "cheated."

We talked about pre-committed vs. committed relationships, and she agreed that it was a pre-committed relationship, but insisted that they had made a "commitment" to each other.

OK, things are getting clearer. On the one hand is the status of the relationship- pre-committed vs. committed, and on the other hand are commitments made within the relationship. Macro vs. micro. Two different things, right?

In our conversation, it occurred to me to make a distinction between a "Commitment" vs. a "Promise." They made a promise to each other within the context of a relationship that was not committed. That distinction seemed to help her make more sense of things.

When I asked the RCI coaches for feedback on the "commitment vs. promise" distinction, most felt that it was just semantics and there is not much of a difference. The general consensus was that when you make a promise you are making a commitment.

Well, I agree that it is a question of semantics, and here is my definition of terms:

PROMISE: Verbally stated future intention to perform a specific act.

- I promise to pick up your dry cleaning and not forget this time - I promise to be exclusive in our relationship

COMMITMENT: Both a FACT demonstrated by behavior, and an ATTITUDE consisting of thoughts and beliefs.

- I am committed to keeping my promises - I am committed to our relationship

In short, a promise is something you say, and a commitment is something you do. A promise is situation-specific. A commitment is contextual.

A promise is a small commitment. If a potential partner doesn't keep promises, I would question their ability to keep commitments, as they are definitely related.

CONFUSION ABOUT COMMITMENT

Whether or not you agree with my semantics, the distinction I made between a commitment and a promise was helpful for the above conversation.

The larger picture though, is that I see a lot of confusion about the status of today's relationships. Some years ago when I coined the term "pre-commitment" to describe couples that were exclusive but not yet committed, it was a helpful distinction, but the question remains- "What is commitment?"

When you are married, it is clear you are in a committed relationship. Your commitment is a legal contract and a publicly witnessed FACT. However, it is common for couples in trouble for one or both partners to have an uncommitted ATTITUDE.

I have talked with many unmarried people, as the woman above, who have described themselves in "committed relationships." They clearly have the attitude, but often have nothing but verbal promises (and sometimes not even that!) to demonstrate that the relationship is committed.

IN MY OPINION, YOU ARE -NOT- IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP IF:

1. Your partner is not aware your relationship is committed

2. You are wondering if this relationship is committed

3. You and your partner have differences of opinion about the status of your relationship

4. Your family and friends have different perceptions about the status of your relationship

5. You and your partner have not acted to explicitly formalize your commitment in some way

6. You are relying on verbal promises without a significant track record of them being kept

A commitment is explicit and unambiguous. A commitment is a formal event of some kind between two people. A commitment is something you DO over time. A real commitment is usually legally enforceable and there are consequences for breaking it.

And, for a relationship to be truly committed, there are no exits- mentally, emotionally, or physically. When the going gets rough, you make it work.

CONTINUUM OF COMMITMENT

Commitment is not a light switch that goes from "off" to "on." When building a relationship with someone, the level of commitment gradually increases.

Then you have all the shades of gray. living together, dating exclusively for more than a year, even engaged to be married, that might look and feel like commitment, but is it really?

FACT VS. ATTITUDE

Commitment in a relationship is complicated in that it takes two people, and it requires an alignment of FACT (events, actions) and ATTITUDE (thoughts, beliefs) for both of them.

It is common to be committed in fact (e.g. "married") but not in attitude (e.g. "I'm not sure this is the right relationship for me").

It is also common to be pre-committed in fact (e.g. dating exclusively) and committed in attitude (e.g. "This is 'The One!' ").

In my work with couples I have found that the most important variable determining their future success is their level of commitment to the relationship.

In my experience, when couples are committed in fact, but not in attitude, their prognosis is poor.

Then, there are the pre-committed couples that generally fall into two categories-

UNCONSCIOUS- typically following the "mini-marriage" model of trying the relationship out, acting committed without actually making the commitment. A disconnect of fact and attitude.

CONSCIOUS- aware that they are not yet committed, usually have commitment as a goal, asking themselves "Is this the right relationship for me? Should I make a commitment?" An alignment of fact and attitude.

CONCLUSION

So, when is a relationship committed?

-- When there is an alignment of fact and attitude.

What creates the "fact" of commitment?

I propose these three criterion:

CRITERIA #1: Promises made to each other about the permanent nature of the relationship that are kept

CRITERIA #2: Explicit, formal, public declaration

CRITERIA #3: Unambiguous to partners and others

In today's world, if all three of the above are met, I would say it is a committed relationship, whether legally married or not.

I sincerely hope this article helps address the common questions about commitment that arise in relationship coaching. There are no pat answers or prescriptions, but it is my hope that these ideas and concepts will help you have productive conversations with your clients that are caught in the gray areas to support them to make effective relationship choices.

Copyright 2006 David Steele




David Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and author of "Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World." http://www.consciousdating.com Visit http://www.consciousrelationshipresources.com for access to free live tele-seminars, audio programs, e-programs, and more for couples and singles who want to find and have a successful conscious relationship.




Saturday, October 22, 2011

The Therapeutic Relationship Is the Most Important Ingredient in Successful Therapy


"Maybe if I have this client blink his eyes at an increased speed, while exposing him to his past, and add some cognitive behavioral therapy while sitting next to a waterfall, he may be able to function more effectively in his life!" Yes this is rather exaggerated, however it demonstrates the idea that as professionals in the field of therapy, we often seek complex theories, techniques, and strategies to more effectively treat our consumers. A large amount of our precious time is spent seeking new theories and techniques to treat clients; evidence for this statement is shown by the thousands of theories and techniques that have been created to treat clients seeking therapy.

The fact that theories are being created and the field is growing is absolutely magnificent; however we may be searching for something that has always been right under our nose. Clinicians often enjoy analyzing and making things more intricate that they actually are; when in reality what works is rather simple. This basic and uncomplicated ingredient for successful therapy is what will be explored in this article. This ingredient is termed the therapeutic relationship. Some readers may agree and some may disagree, however the challenge is to be open minded and remember the consequences of "contempt prior to investigation".

Any successful therapy is grounded in a continuous strong, genuine therapeutic relationship or more simply put by Rogers, the "Helping Relationship". Without being skilled in this relationship, no techniques are likely to be effective. You are free to learn, study, research and labor over CBT, DBT, EMDR, RET, and ECT as well as attending infinite trainings on these and many other techniques, although without mastering the art and science of building a therapeutic relationship with your client, therapy will not be effective. You can even choose to spend thousands of dollars on a PhD, PsyD, Ed.D, and other advanced degrees, which are not being put down, however if you deny the vital importance of the helping relationship you will again be unsuccessful. Rogers brilliantly articulated this point when he said, "Intellectual training and the acquiring of information has, I believe many valuable results--but, becoming a therapist is not one of those results (1957)."

This author will attempt to articulate what the therapeutic relationship involves; questions clinicians can ask themselves concerning the therapeutic relationship, as well as some empirical literature that supports the importance of the therapeutic relationship. Please note that therapeutic relationship, therapeutic alliance, and helping relationship will be used interchangeably throughout this article.

Characteristic of the Therapeutic Relationship

The therapeutic relationship has several characteristics; however the most vital will be presented in this article. The characteristics may appear to be simple and basic knowledge, although the constant practice and integration of these characteristic need to be the focus of every client that enters therapy. The therapeutic relationship forms the foundation for treatment as well as large part of successful outcome. Without the helping relationship being the number one priority in the treatment process, clinicians are doing a great disservice to clients as well as to the field of therapy as a whole.

The following discussion will be based on the incredible work of Carl Rogers concerning the helping relationship. There is no other psychologist to turn to when discussing this subject, than Dr. Rogers himself. His extensive work gave us a foundation for successful therapy, no matter what theory or theories a clinician practices. Without Dr. Rogers outstanding work, successful therapy would not be possible.

Rogers defines a helping relationship as , " a relationship in which one of the participants intends that there should come about , in one or both parties, more appreciation of, more expression of, more functional use of the latent inner resources of the individual ( 1961)." There are three characteristics that will be presented that Rogers states are essential and sufficient for therapeutic change as well as being vital aspects of the therapeutic relationship (1957). In addition to these three characteristics, this author has added two final characteristic that appear to be effective in a helping relationship.

1. Therapist's genuineness within the helping relationship. Rogers discussed the vital importance of the clinician to "freely and deeply" be himself. The clinician needs to be a "real" human being. Not an all knowing, all powerful, rigid, and controlling figure. A real human being with real thoughts, real feelings, and real problems (1957). All facades should be left out of the therapeutic environment. The clinician must be aware and have insight into him or herself. It is important to seek out help from colleagues and appropriate supervision to develop this awareness and insight. This specific characteristic fosters trust in the helping relationship. One of the easiest ways to develop conflict in the relationship is to have a "better than" attitude when working with a particular client.

2. Unconditional positive regard. This aspect of the relationship involves experiencing a warm acceptance of each aspect of the clients experience as being a part of the client. There are no conditions put on accepting the client as who they are. The clinician needs to care for the client as who they are as a unique individual. One thing often seen in therapy is the treatment of the diagnosis or a specific problem. Clinicians need to treat the individual not a diagnostic label. It is imperative to accept the client for who they are and where they are at in their life. Remember diagnoses are not real entities, however individual human beings are.

3. Empathy. This is a basic therapeutic aspect that has been taught to clinicians over and over again, however it is vital to be able to practice and understand this concept. An accurate empathetic understanding of the client's awareness of his own experience is crucial to the helping relationship. It is essential to have the ability to enter the clients "private world" and understand their thoughts and feelings without judging these (Rogers, 1957).

4. Shared agreement on goals in therapy. Galileo once stated, "You cannot teach a man anything, you can just help him to find it within himself." In therapy clinicians must develop goals that the client would like to work on rather than dictate or impose goals on the client. When clinicians have their own agenda and do not cooperate with the client, this can cause resistance and a separation in the helping relationship (Roes, 2002). The fact is that a client that is forced or mandated to work on something he has no interest in changing, may be compliant for the present time; however these changes will not be internalized. Just think of yourself in your personal life. If you are forced or coerced to work on something you have no interest in, how much passion or energy will you put into it and how much respect will you have for the person doing the coercing. You may complete the goal; however you will not remember or internalize much involved in the process.

5. Integrate humor in the relationship. In this authors own clinical experience throughout the years, one thing that has helped to establish a strong therapeutic relationship with clients is the integration of humor in the therapy process. It appears to teach clients to laugh at themselves without taking life and themselves too serious. It also allows them to see the therapist as a down to earth human being with a sense of humor. Humor is an excellent coping skill and is extremely healthy to the mind, body, and spirit. Try laughing with your clients. It will have a profound effect on the relationship as well as in your own personal life.

Before delving into the empirical literature concerning this topic, it is important to present some questions that Rogers recommends (1961) asking yourself as a clinician concerning the development of a helping relationship. These questions should be explored often and reflected upon as a normal routine in your clinical practice. They will help the clinician grow and continue to work at developing the expertise needed to create a strong therapeutic relationship and in turn the successful practice of therapy.

1. Can I be in some way which will be perceived by the client as trustworthy, dependable, or consistent in some deep sense?

2. Can I be real? This involves being aware of thoughts and feelings and being honest with yourself concerning these thoughts and feelings. Can I be who I am? Clinicians must accept themselves before they can be real and accepted by clients.

3. Can I let myself experience positive attitudes toward my client - for example warmth, caring, respect) without fearing these? Often times clinicians distance themselves and write it off as a "professional" attitude; however this creates an impersonal relationship. Can I remember that I am treating a human being, just like myself?

4. Can I give the client the freedom to be who they are?

5. Can I be separate from the client and not foster a dependent relationship?

6. Can I step into the client's private world so deeply that I lose all desire to evaluate or judge it?

7. Can I receive this client as he is? Can I accept him or her completely and communicate this acceptance?

8. Can I possess a non-judgmental attitude when dealing with this client?

9. Can I meet this individual as a person who is becoming, or will I be bound by his past or my past?

Empirical Literature

There are obviously too many empirical studies in this area to discuss in this or any brief article, however this author would like to present a summary of the studies throughout the years and what has been concluded.

Horvath and Symonds (1991) conducted a Meta analysis of 24 studies which maintained high design standards, experienced therapists, and clinically valid settings. They found an effect size of .26 and concluded that the working alliance was a relatively robust variable linking therapy process to outcomes. The relationship and outcomes did not appear to be a function of type of therapy practiced or length of treatment.

Another review conducted by Lambert and Barley (2001), from Brigham Young University summarized over one hundred studies concerning the therapeutic relationship and psychotherapy outcome. They focused on four areas that influenced client outcome; these were extra therapeutic factors, expectancy effects, specific therapy techniques, and common factors/therapeutic relationship factors. Within these 100 studies they averaged the size of contribution that each predictor made to outcome. They found that 40% of the variance was due to outside factors, 15% to expectancy effects, 15% to specific therapy techniques, and 30% of variance was predicted by the therapeutic relationship/common factors. Lambert and Barley (2001) concluded that, "Improvement in psychotherapy may best be accomplished by learning to improve ones ability to relate to clients and tailoring that relationship to individual clients."

One more important addition to these studies is a review of over 2000 process-outcomes studies conducted by Orlinsky, Grave, and Parks (1994), which identified several therapist variables and behaviors that consistently demonstrated to have a positive impact on treatment outcome. These variables included therapist credibility, skill, empathic understanding, affirmation of the client, as well as the ability to engage the client and focus on the client's issues and emotions.

Finally, this author would like to mention an interesting statement made by Schore (1996). Schore suggests "that experiences in the therapeutic relationship are encoded as implicit memory, often effecting change with the synaptic connections of that memory system with regard to bonding and attachment. Attention to this relationship with some clients will help transform negative implicit memories of relationships by creating a new encoding of a positive experience of attachment." This suggestion is a topic for a whole other article, however what this suggests is that the therapeutic relationship may create or recreate the ability for clients to bond or develop attachments in future relationships. To this author, this is profound and thought provoking. Much more discussion and research is needed in this area, however briefly mentioning it sheds some light on another important reason that the therapeutic relationship is vital to therapy.

Throughout this article the therapeutic relationship has been discussed in detail, questions to explore as a clinician have been articulated, and empirical support for the importance of the therapeutic relationship have been summarized. You may question the validity of this article or research, however please take an honest look at this area of the therapy process and begin to practice and develop strong therapeutic relationships. You will see the difference in the therapy process as well as client outcome. This author experiences the gift of the therapeutic relationship each and every day I work with clients. In fact, a client recently told me that I was "the first therapist he has seen since 9-11 that he trusted and acted like a real person. He continued on to say, "that's why I have the hope that I can get better and actually trust another human being." That's quite a reward of the therapeutic relationship and process. What a gift!

Ask yourself, how you would like to be treated if you were a client? Always remember we are all part of the human race and each human being is unique and important, thus they should be treated that way in therapy. Our purpose as clinicians is to help other human beings enjoy this journey of life and if this field isn't the most important field on earth I don't know what is. We help determine and create the future of human beings. To conclude, Constaquay, Goldfried, Wiser, Raue, and Hayes (1996) stated, " It is imperative that clinicians remember that decades of research consistently demonstrates that relationship factors correlate more highly with client outcome than do specialized treatment techniques."

References

Constaquay, L. G., Goldfried, M. R., Wiser, S., Raue, P.J., Hayes, A.M. (1996). Predicting the effect of Cognitive therapy for depression: A study of unique and common factors. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 65, 497-504.

Horvath, A.O. & Symonds, B., D. (1991). Relation between a working alliance and outcome in psychotherapy: A Meta Analysis. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 38, 2, 139-149.

Lambert, M., J. & Barley, D., E. (2001). Research Summary on the therapeutic relationship and psychotherapy outcome. Psychotherapy, 38, 4, 357-361.

Orlinski, D. E., Grave, K., & Parks, B. K. (1994). Process and outcome in psychotherapy. In A. E. Bergin & S. L. Garfield (Eds.), Handbook of psychotherapy(pp. 257-310). New York: Wiley.

Roes, N. A. (2002). Solutions for the treatment resistant addicted client, Haworth Press.

Rogers, C. R. (1957). The Necessary and Sufficient Conditions of Therapeutic Personality Change. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 21, 95-103.

Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person, Houghton Mifflin company, New York.

Schore, A. (1996). The experience dependent maturation of a regulatory system in the orbital prefrontal cortex and the origin of developmental psychopathology. Development and Psychopathology, 8, 59-87.




Richard A. Singer Jr. is a practicing psychotherapist living in the Cayman Islands. He is formerly of Pennsylvania and has a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology and is currently working on his Doctorate Degree. His daily inspirations have been included as part of Chicken Soup for the Recovering Soul, from the best selling Chicken Soup series. He has recently released his new book, “Your Daily Walk with the Great Minds of the Past and Present” and signed a contract for a second edition to be released in Feb. 2007. His own recovery from addiction and depression impassioned him to help others find courage, determination and peace, and has made what some would call “work” the love and purpose of his life. To learn more about Mr. Singer and explore updated information, visit his Web site [http://www.yourdailywalk.org]. or E-Mail him at RAS9999@aol.com. In addition, please join the author for interactive discussions about the suggested monthly readings, daily quotes, meditations, and journaling sections of the book on his Amazon.com Blog.




What Went Wrong? When Relationships Go From Hot To Cold


Everything was great.

We had been dating for 6 months. We shared the same interests, felt very at ease together, had (often)

discussed future plans and had even spent some of the holidays together. Our relationship seemed right on track

and just right in general.

Then, without warning, he said he "needs some time to think and figure things out." He stopped calling and rarely

returned my calls. When he did, I was often met with silence on the other end of the line. When I asked "what

happened", I just got a verbal run around of excuses about how busy he is and/or how much stress he is under

right now.

What happened? What did I do? I don't know what to think.

Does the above scenario sound at all familiar? If so, you can relate to being confused and stunned over the sudden

change in a boyfriend's/girlfriend's behavior.

Now think about this - What if your relationship wasn't what you thought it was? What if unspoken issues had

existed all along? What if there were signs you chose to ignore or just didn't see? Are any of these possible?

Probably.

This sudden change in a couple's relationship is reported quite a bit by individuals who have just broken up with

a significant other. Unfortunately, it leaves the person who has been "dumped" with feelings of low self-esteem,

regret, inadequacy and anger.

There is often no real closure, as the couple is never able (willing) to talk through what went wrong or was never right

with their relationship.

So, how can you know what the problem was and hope to avoid a repeat of this hurtful experience? You can do this

by examining your failed relationship and gaining insight and understanding about what just wasn't right between you.

In order to assist you with this; I am providing a basic framework of the relationship stages a couple must pass

through TOGETHER in order to get to a place of shared intimacy and commitment. If either person's feelings

change before, during or after one of these stages; it is not necessarily the "fault" of the other individual. It is simply

a statement about the individuals' rightness (or not) for each other. It is also a reflection of each individual's relationship

readiness and ability to handle long-term, committed intimacy.

How an individual handles their changing feelings and resultant behavior toward the other is a subject for another article.

Relationships have stages. We have all read articles and books by authors who have come up with their own unique

number or names for these. I will try to take a very basic approach to this and keep it simple and as universal as

possible.

Attraction

This is the first stage. It is physical, intellectual and emotional - on a very surface level. Girl sees boy and vice versa. They

flirt, talk and get a very basic sense of the other. They are usually responding to a physical pull. He/she is cute,

funny, charming, interesting to talk to, etc.

Without attraction, first dates wouldn't happen. It can therefore be assumed that the other person finds us attractive if

we have gotten to a first date.

In a way, this is the easy one. We are unknowns to each other. Things progress from this point or they do not. Hurt

feelings are minimal. We usually chalk up rejection to; "I'm not his type". There is no need to analyze or wonder

what went wrong.

If both people feel a strong enough level of attraction continues to exist after a few dates, they usually move along to

stage two. However, if one finds the other has unattractive characteristics or behaviors, this can lead to an abrupt change

in the relationship.

Remember, these behaviors or characteristics would be ones that would manifest in the very early stage of dating.

Some examples: frequently late, never offers to pay, dresses or grooms sloppily, rude to waitress, etc.

Romantic Relating

In this second stage, couples begin to test out the idea of themselves as a unit. Dating is no longer brand new. It is more

comfortable and predictable. Sharing romantic dinners and exciting special interests are typical dates during this new

and fun time in a growing relationship.

During this stage, flowers are given for no special reason and loving cards are slipped back and forth with

words like "thinking of you". It's a happy carefree time, when lovers tend to idealize, romanticize and overlook

that which can be right in front of them. The relationship seems effortless and spontaneous. Affection is shared openly

and frequently. One's partner seems perfect. There is rarely conflict during this period. The partners often share

the unrealistic belief that their relationship is so special and unique that it will always stay this way.

This stage can last from three or four months up to more than a year. It is actually the shortest stage that any

long-term relationship goes through. It is also the one we wish we could hold on to forever and long for when it is gone.

This is the stage that love poems speak about. It is also believed (falsely) by many that this is what long-term

committed love will always be like.

Many relationships begin to stumble at the end of this period. For that is when reality begins to set in. As partners

begin to experience some disagreement, conflict and/or shared challenges- the relationship shifts as do the

dynamics between the partners.

Though many relationships move past this stage, a number do not. Why? There are many reasons. These can include:

* lack of readiness for the challenges of the next stage

* issues with commitment and fidelity

* immature beliefs about what relationships should be

* being stuck on an idealized, romanticized notion of love

If one of the partners is not ready for a less than perfect and more demanding stage of love, they will exhibit this in their

behavior, language and overall level of openness and availability towards the other.

This is when the couple begins to think more seriously of a future with each other. The focus tends to be;

how well do we get along, do we share similar interests and do I want to date this person exclusively?

Growth Through Negotiation

This is a very challenging and growing time in all relationship building. Reality comes into play as the couple

settles into the comfort and predictability of their togetherness. Little issues can become blown-up into large conflicts.

The individuals begin to compete for their share of control and their place in this growing union. Differences

can become highlighted instead of minimized.

This is often the period when couples experience their first fight. Hurt feelings can occur as that once loving

and completely accepting other person airs a criticism or voices annoyance or concern. Often, the individuals

believe it is the other person who needs to change.

This is where the need for (or lack of) communication, problem-solving and negotiating skills becomes apparent.

For without an adequate measure of these, disagreements can break down into screaming matches where

insults and recriminations are fired like missiles.

If the individuals can listen, be supportive of each other's feelings, compromise and not lay blame, they have

a good chance of working through this stage and achieving a true intimacy. This does not mean they will share

all the same beliefs and opinions or that they will necessarily even like the other's view. However, having and

showing respect is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship.

Not only will relationships fail without these relationship-building strengths, they can also abruptly end if

one of the partners decides that they don't feel the same way about this person in their less than idealized

state. The reality may not be to their liking or just something they are not ready for in general. Either way,

they will pull back, present differently or disappear without warning. How they handle their changing feelings

is further information about their level of relationship readiness and maturity in general.

Intimacy

Intimacy is the reward that is gained when a couple has successfully worked through the difficult last stage of

negotiation. It is almost like a new coming together with much greater self (and other) awareness. This new information

can work to solidify the union or give one of both individuals enough new information about the other to require

a reassessment of their desire to remain together.

Each person looks at the other in their (naked) state and asks; "is this the person I want to be with"? Here their individual

differences are highlighted. The early romantic haze has cleared. What they have to offer to each other and to

a future life together comes into play.

This is a time when couples often begin to contemplate each other's attributes in a more practical way.

They look at the other's strengths and weaknesses. They evaluate each other's potential as a future spouse,

parent, provider, caregiver, partner, etc.

Relationships can be tested more during this time. Infidelity is one dysfunctional way that some individuals

do this. Often, this leads to the end of the relationship.

When differences can be seen, aired and accepted, the couple has a good chance of moving on together

from this place. Essentially, they have decided they want to be with the other, warts and all.

When the behavior of one or both partners change, it is generally because they have made a conscious or

unconscious decision regarding the wrongness of the other for them or for the type of relationship they seek.

Commitment

This is the final stage of relationship building. Once individuals have reached this place, they are ready to

cement their bond. While much growth and work will lay ahead in a future life together, they are

ready to begin this life soon.

New challenges arise during each stage, and will happen here as well. However, if the couple has successfully

worked through the previous stages, they should have many of the tools they need.

The external problems and pressures that come with life will test their resolve and commitment over the

years. They may need to reassess, re-negotiate and renew their feelings and commitment. Fortunately,

they will be in possession of the basic tools required.

If they choose well to begin with, they should be successful.

As you evaluate your failed relationship, note the stage you were in when the change occurred. Chances are that

the necessary level of readiness and maturity was not present in one or both of you. Perhaps one of you

decided that this is not the kind of partner or relationship I am seeking.

This new information and insight should help you to choose a future partner who is better suited to you and desirous

of the same kind of relationship that you are.




Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men?s Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, ?Dear Dating Coach.? Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers.




Friday, October 21, 2011

The Ungame

The Ungame

The leading family communications game. Players progress along the playing board as they answer questions such as, ?What are the four most important things in your life?? and ?What do you think life would be like in 100 years?? this non-competitive game can be a great ice-breaker or a serious exchange of thoughts, feelings and ideas. Ages 5 to adult, and for 2 to 6 players.

Features include:

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•A great ice-breaker or a serious exchange of thoughts, feelings and ideas
•2 to 6 players

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Thursday, October 20, 2011

Transatlanticism

TransatlanticismWith songs equal to those on We Have the Facts and a lush, brilliant production that continues what The Photo Album started, Transatlanticism is easily Death Cab's best record to date. Much attention has duly been focused on doe-eyed singer/lyricist Ben Gibbard, co-star of the Postal Service phenomenon, and Ben's voice is as strange, beautiful, and as strong as ever on these songs, which deal with the difficulties of long-distance relationships. But guitarist/producer Chris Walla once again proves himself to be the band's secret weapon, layering subtle sonic touches throughout Transatlanticism, which is most definitely a "headphone record." This Seattle quartet is one of the only bands to really have picked up the intelligent, emotionally resonant, and guitar-driven indie-pop torch that Built to Spill briefly lit in the mid-1990s (before themselves heading off to the stoner-rock territory). DCFC themselves seem poised to finally break out to a wider audience, and they truly deserve it with this disc. --Mike McGonigal

Price: $14.98


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Why Not Take The Relationship Quiz Now?


Why not take the following quiz and ask a person you are in a relationship with to take it also. It will give you and them an idea of your mutual understanding and application of some of the critical issues, concepts and techniques that have an impact on the quality of relationships.

See the end of this quiz for contact information to request other quizzes.

1. The three keys to effective relationships are________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

2. One of the biggest causes of relationship failure is poor communication. True/False.

3. You can spend your entire life with someone and still not really know them. True/False.

4. Everyone has behavior that someone else believes they should change. True/False.

5. Faults are not negative but another person's _______________________________________

6. Old emotional baggage can sabotage a relationship. True/False.

7. You are responsible to people but not____________________________ them.

8. Invalidators in a relationship___________________________________________________

9. Conflict in a relation can be positive. True/False.

10. Forgiveness is all about letting the other person of the hook. for their actions. True/False.

11. People know what you want and need without telling them. True/False.

12. Self-disclosure is: positive - negative in a relationship.

13. Unrealized expectations of others is a major issue in poor relationships. True/False.

14. One of the best ways you can tell another person you care is to_______________________

15. Your ability to love others is directly related to your self-love. True/False.

16. Psychological projection in a relationship is when__________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

17. It is important to stay focused in the __________________________ in a relationship.

18. In relationships you have three choices when you don't like something. These are:

_____________________________________________________________________________

19. People change when they are ready to not when you think they should. True/False.

20. The four T's in positive relationships are_________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

21. Dealing in anger, blame, guilt and resentment are signs of poor _______________________

22. All relationships are either getting better or getting worse. True/False.

23. An anchor in a relationships is when a person_____________________________________

24. You can tell what a person's unconscious intent is by observing their__________________

25. Arguments can be a positive relationship activity. True/False/It depends.

26. It is important in a relationship to focus on________________________________________

27. Expressing your true feelings is a positive thing. True/False.

28. You should always tell the complete truth in a relationship. True/False/It depends.

29. A persons non-verbal signals are more accurate than the words they use. True/False.

30. Sooner or later everyone needs to settle for something in a relationship. True/False.

31. All romantic relationships require friendship to be successful. True/False.

32. Hidden agendas don't really harm a relationship. True/False.

33. Closeness in a relationship is when you are physically close. True/False.

34. Intimacy in a relationship is when______________________________________________

35. Passion is a necessary ingredient in a positive relationship. True/False.

36. Common goals in a relationship make it easier to__________________________________

37. The couple that has common interests will always last. True/False

38. A sure sign a relationship is failing when_________________________________________

39. People are attracted to their opposites because_____________________________________

40. A lack of commitment in a relationship will cause__________________________________

41. The two biggest single issues in a positive relationship are___________________________

42. A safe relationship is when a person can be_______________________________________

43. Presents can make up for a lack of presence. True/False.

44. There are two types of people in relationships: Givers and takers. True/False.

45. Unconditional love means_____________________________________________________

46. The two most important words a person can say in a relationship are___________________

47. The three most important words a person can say in a relationship are__________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

48. Counseling can be a positive tool in a relationship when_____________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

49. A satisfying relationship is one where___________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

50. The one thing many people in relationships wish others would do is___________________

SCORING

50 correct answers..........You should be giving the test.

45-50 correct answers..........You understand the basics of effective relationships.

40-45 correct answers..........You know the rules, but do you practice them regularly?

35-40 correct answers..........You have a lot of relationship stress and frustration.

30-35 correct answers...........Get yourself and your partner in counseling, soon.

30 or less correct answers......You are in big trouble consider becoming a hermit.

Correct Answers: Relationship Quiz

Keep in mind that the answers to several of the questions are subjective. In many cases there is no right or wrong answer only - a best or better answer. This quiz is not designed to give you an in-depth explanation for each answer but rather to stimulate your thinking. With this in mind let's take a look at what I believe - are some of the vital issues that impact the quality of relationships and ultimate relationship satisfaction.

1. Trust, respect and acceptance.

2. True.

3. True.

4. True.

5. Perceptions or interpretation of behavior.

6. True.

7. For.

8. Interrupt, don't listen, say things like you should, you always, you never; are late a lot.

9. True.

10. False.

11. False.

12. Positive.

13. True.

14. Listen to them.

15. True.

16. One person sees their own faults or issues as belonging to the other person.

17. Present.

18. 1. Change it or the other person. 2. Accept it or the other person, 3. Leave.

19. True.

20. Touch, talk, time and trust.

21. Emotional maturity.

22. True.

23. Attaches some positive or negative message to a physical act, like holding hands means I

Love You.

24. Behavior.

25. It depends.

26. What is working not what isn't working.

27. True.

28. It depends.

29. True.

30. True.

31. True.

32. False.

33. False.

34. You have total acceptance, unconditional love and the relationship is safe.

35. True.

36. Work together in life, have mutual interests and help and support each other.

37. False.

38. People withdraw, stop communicating, lose trust, lose respect, don't care anymore about

anything.

39. They see them as making up for those qualities they lack and desire to have.

40. People to leave at the first sign of trouble.

41. Trust and acceptance.

42. Honest with feelings, attitudes, fears without fear of criticism and judgment.

43. False.

44. True.

45. Total acceptance of the other person regardless of the behavior.

46. I'm sorry.

47. Please forgive me.

48. Both people ant to get past the issues, problems, challenges etc.

49. Both people's needs and wants are satisfied and not at the expense of the other person's.

50. Change, be more honest, share their true feelings more often, listen.




Tim Connor, CSP is an internationally renowned sales, relationship, management and leadership speaker, trainer and best selling author. Since 1981 he has given over 3500 presentations in 21 countries on a variety of sales, management and relationship topics. He is the best selling author of over 60 books including; He can be reached at tim@timconnor.com, 704-895-1230 or visit his website at http://www.timconnor.com.